2020 in Review

     I'm not going to lie, I started this post over a week ago, and I really didn't know where to start. I sit and wonder what angle to take because we all know how this year went. This yearly review post will be different from ones I have done in the past. 

    For me, 2020 started out great! We celebrated my birthday, dressed up for a boy scout troop, a library troop, and my best friend came up to visit. All the normal things in my life. I also had quit a job that was killing my soul and went on to work at the movie theater full time as a floor manager. One thing I would like to note here is the strange uptick in people getting sick around me. Before I had quit my office job everyone there, except for me and one of my cube mates, got sick. Even Mary and my daughter's boyfriend got very sick with flu-like symptoms. We knew about the corona virus but at the time it wasn't in the forefront of our minds. 

    I knew that it was going to be bad, but reflecting back on it now, I didn't realize how bad. Mary would read articles to me about China and I told her this was not going to be good and it felt like it was going to be life-changing. Two months later we were shut down and everyone was looking for toilet paper. In Vermont a lot of people started to sew masks. In fact there would be facebook posts for free masks being left out in boxes on the side of the road. Our small communities started to band together to help each-other out.

    I spent a lot of time this year thinking, and I mean really thinking. The stress from the pandemic has had a lot of people behaving strangely, in ways you would never expect, and I have had to make some heavy decisions. I sometimes give my time and energy to the wrong people, and I know now, I need to be more picky on who I allow in my life or share my energy and space with. There are a lot of friendships I will be silently letting go.  
    I never share pictures of me without makeup but I had to do a side-by-side here. The picture on the right is how I looked most days this year. Both pictures are without filters or touch-ups. The picture on the left is how I look on days where I feel okay and put makeup on but I can't allow this post to not be real. Most of the year I was stressed, tired, and annoyed. I thought the shut downs would only last a couple weeks, but as weeks turned into months, I thought March was never going to end.

    I played more video games than I imagined possible! I jumped on the Nintendo Animal Crossing Train like it was my job. I have rebuilt my island twice already. Yes I still play, just not 15 hour days. I like that I can leisurely play instead of trying to fill a huge void in my life. It took a couple months to not be obsessed.
My daughter graduated high school this year. It was bittersweet. This means that both my kids are adults now. She has moved out and I just don't know what to do with myself. Do parents celebrate when their kids are grown and move out? I don't feel celebratory at all, in fact I miss them being little and driving me crazy. Being a mom is my favorite thing to be and I'd like to think I'm pretty good at it too. This year has shown me that all of my hard work has paid off. It was not an easy journey for me at all but I always put them first before my needs and I have no regrets.
I also have to mention that my ex-wife, who is also still my really good friend & co-parent, was a great support this year. She came to visit a few times and we spent a lot of time video chatting. One of the most important things this year was trying to stay connected to everyone. I talked to my best friend Greg constantly, my best friend Jamie, and may other friends who I care deeply about. 
Some of my favorite moments that this year has brought, were all of the quiet moments. I am not the type of person to be a hermit, or enjoy the quiet, though this year really forced it upon me. During the warmer months I was able to go out into nature with some of my close friends and just enjoy relaxing. I absolutely love being on water and I think I will try to get my boating license as soon as possible. Captain Eeka has a nice ring to it, eh?
I published another book of poetry. You can purchase it here: Moonlit Tea if you'd like to support an artist. I have 2 out of the 7 I'm writing coming closer to completion. One is more poetry and the other is a novel I've been working on for about 6 years now. 

A lot of the writing I have been doing has really helped me get through this year. I suffer from bipolar and severe anxiety on a normal day, so this pandemic has really tested me. I wake up and start my day off writing, and it has really helped in so many ways. In a weird way I am kind of lucky to know what trauma feels like and I have many ways to cope. There are a lot of people who experienced the trauma of 2020, and it was their first time dealing with trauma. I knew that if I was having an off day to not go online because it would affect me differently than on a day where I was okay. I noticed that quite a few people took their off-days to people's comment sections or dm's, in particular my dm's. People who would normally be the calm person or "sane" person were losing their minds and spewing it all over social media. 
As the year went on we witnessed more happening everywhere we went. People were standing up against racism and taking to the streets. Murder hornets came and then vanished? 

But the end of August brought us news that would change my little family forever. Mary's mother (my mother-in-law) passed away. Covid did not take her but complications from other health issues did. We were lucky enough to get to Kentucky to say goodbye in time. She was blessed with the opportunity to pass in her home as she requested. Getting sick in 2020 was a scary thing because you never knew if you be battling it alone, or worse, dying alone. For her to pass at home with her loved ones next to her was a blessing.
In one of the most important ways, I feel like 2020 has really showed me what I want from life and what I want to offer. I no longer want to work for companies that do not value what I have to bring to the table. I do not want to continue friendships that do not serve my higher self. I refuse to share my energy with situations that are not worthy of my time. Maybe I feel this way because I'm about to turn 40 in 4 days, but I have realized that my being is far more important than I have ever thought it to be.
I pretty much feel like I am at a point in this post where I have no idea how to end it or if I am even making a point? I hope I did. I wish I felt more confident in the words here, but I just couldn't decide on how I wanted this to go. At one point I was going to delete the whole thing and just post a middle finger to 2020, but I actually learned a lot from this year and I don't want any of it to get lost in the monotony.

Thank you TikTok for giving me an outlet to express myself! If you don't follow me there you should. I'm eekacupcake on TikTok, like everywhere else. Thank you Netflix and Youtube for the endless entertainment. Thank you Disney for all the movies, and shows, especially The Mandalorian!

We maybe closing on one of the most historical years yet, but remember to keep your voices loud and stand up for what you believe in!

We might all be exhausted but there is still a lot of work to be done. 
Black Lives Matter.

Happy New Year! 

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