20 Years A Mom-A Short Story

Sunday, May 12, 2019

I have probably written this post over, and over, and over again in my head. If there is one thing that I pride myself in, it's being a mom. Am I a perfect mom? No way! But I have been a mom for the last 20 years. I've been a mom longer than I haven't been a mom, if that makes sense. I am a single mom in the sense that their father is non-existence in their lives and gives zero support. I have some partners who have been a great support, even to this day. I have also had a not-so-great partner treat us like garbage and walk out on us. My little army has been through a lot, but I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. It has been us for the last 20 years. I still remember how amazing it was to hear Cody's heartbeat for the first time. I know you're thinking "wait, her son is 19," but I count being a mom while you are pregnant, because the moment you get pregnant you have a lot of life changing decisions to make. For me it was to become the best version of me that I could. I was a young mom who loved to go to parties and had a lot of friends. Becoming a mother completely changed my life.
Before I go into great details about some key factors of why I am the type of mom that I am, let me give you a little back story of where I come from and how my ideals of what a parent should be like were shaped. First of all, I don't have one of those pasts where I came from a single mom and we were poor and humble, nor did I come from a family with a mom & dad, and a picket white fence. I came from the exact opposite. My parents have always been very successful, even though they think (to this day) they can do more because they aren't billionaires. Unfortunately they weren't around very often because they traveled the world constantly leaving me with nannies or family members. I experienced severe trauma in their absence that was barely addressed, if not put away in the closet of skeletons (all rich people have this closet).Then became an unruly teenager, rebelling in every way possible. I was even picked
up at a police station because my friends thought it was fun to steal cars.
May of 1999, my senior year in high school, was going to be the month where my entire life changed. I was 18 and I had been dating the father of my kids at this point for 2 years, on and off. We were broken up when I made that faithful drive to Planned Parenthood to take a pregnancy test. When the nurse came in to tell me I was pregnant I was absolutely shocked. To be honest, I had all the pregnancy symptoms, I was just in denial. I was in the middle of figuring out what my next steps were for my life. I was about to graduate and hopefully join the Navy or Army. I had just spoken to a recruiting officer the day before. All of that gone.
I was scrambling. My father was moving to the Philippines with my step-mom. My mom moved to Las Vegas and my older brother lived about an hour away. I needed to finish school and I also had to figure out if the father wanted to be involved. Long story short of that, we got back together and I moved in with his family, which was far from pleasant. I knew my depression was bad and I was going to work on getting better, but the following years were going to be so trauma filled that I am still recovering to this day from reoccurring PTSD. After Justice was born I knew things desperately had to change and they did.
I won't go into every relationship detail after their father. I just really want to say that we were lucky to always have loving and caring people in our lives, even if it was for a short periods of time. I've been a single mom since I was 21, with no idea how to be a parent. All I knew is that I was going to give them all the love and attention that I yearned for when I was younger. I was also going to try to keep them away from toxic people that best I can. Now that both my kids are entering adulthood I look at them and really miss the days when they were younger, but I am still so proud of who they are today. I try my best to support them in everything they do. When they were younger I kissed their boo boos. Now I am here for them with their real world concerns and their tired feet from work. We have definitely moved more times then I would like to admit, but we have always been a family no matter where this life would take us.
Being a mother is not an easy task. No one is perfect at it, no matter how lovely their social media pictures are. It's hard, exhausting, and without a dull moment. Your children will treat you like you are the only amazing human that they worship to the worst parent on the planet and they wish they hadn't been born. It's an absolute roller coaster, but is it worth? You're damn right it is.
I hope all the mothers out there are having an awesome day! I also hope that no matter how hard life gets you're all able to see the contrast of beauty that is also there.

xoxo,
Eeka